mother's group

Thank goodness for Mother's Group.

This free resource that new mums are encouraged to join is my saving grace in times of trial. I love it, and all the mums I have met, who, with their wonderful and desperate stories, and delightful babies, make my week, every week.

We are currently battling disrupted sleep (again). Initially, after brilliant mothers group counseling we tackled controlled crying (very successfully) at about 11 months. I thought it was going to be smooth sailing after that. And it was until a couple of weeks ago. Now G wakes at 11pm and 4am, without fail. Like a new habit. And me going in there does not settle him, it seems to make him worse. I pat and calm him, he gets worked up, I leave, he quietens and sleeps. But if I don't go in, he's inconsolable. And at 4am, he just wants to come into our bed, which I am trying to avoid. But I end up patting him for an hour and it's just seems pointless when in our bed we all just drop off and sleep until 7am.

Knowing I'll be able to float this problem at mothers group makes the waking and tiredness a bit bearable. It's the light at the end of the tunnel, the ten mums who may have a clue about what is up with my baby, since I am totally stumped. You think your baby is unique, and he is, but at MG you learn that babies are all pretty much the same, developmentally.

Lo and behold, several of the good sleepers had been waking and disrupted too. No-one had the answer yet, we couldn't find a solution, but we compared notes on possible causes- cold nights, new teeth, full moon - and what strategies had already been attempted. But for me the relief was in acknowledging each others trials and issues and knowing you're not the only bleary-eyed freezing zombie, stalking the hallway at 4am.

I never expected that MG would be like this. I was so self sufficient and felt so capable in my pre-baby life, I'd never relied on others to help me much. But honestly, I couldn't live without it, and if I didn't have these girls, I'd be at the mercy of every baby self-help book and a lost and confused soul (presumably with a screaming and neurotic baby!).

Free support and advice, solicited or not, true and correct or not, this resource is one of the most important available to new mums. Other mums, with no agenda, nothing to sell you and not 'invested' (like grand-parents and well meaning family members) are a breath of air in those first weeks. And longer....