in the Queen's english

Advertising for staff avails me of some spectacular and extraordinary resumes. Here are some highlights of what I have been reading lately...

Potential employees assert that they possess the following qualities-

Willingness to sacrifice pleasure and rest for the sake of work. (! I love this candidate!)
Profound knowledge of the hazards of institutional baking work and ability to observe adequate safety precautions.
Remarkable ability to operate bakery equipment and to plan and maintain the required production.
In-depth ability to assist in the instruction and supervision of others in baking operations.
Uncommon ability to work under conditions of high temperatures. (Instant connection here, since I too possess this uncommon quality.)
Have a quality to give presentations and convince and motivate masses through effective communication and knowledge.

and to win me over..
I would be more than honoured to work in your esteemed organisation and give a dedicated and unmatched service to the best of my potential, if and only if given an opportunity.
or a last ditch attempt..
we are 2 guys looking for this job we have a car and we are avilable.

You know what? I started this post because I thought it was amusing. I have read so many emails and resumes, all but begging me for work in twisted, funny student english, in bad, should-know-better, Aussie english. People doing their utmost to convince me that they can do this job and are willing to write anything to get a go. But right now, it's making me sad.

Resumes, however lacking do build a picture of someone, and so many of my applicants obviously have aspirations in other fields. Microbiology graduates, aeronautical engineering graduates, people with real qualifications and genuine intelligence attempting to build life here, starting off by baking.

Yes, baking does require intelligence, commitment, grunt and sweat. I know some of you out there can do this job. But why? Doesn't this country need micro biologists and aeronautical engineers as well?

Please lord, just send me some bakers and find jobs for the others as well.