time goes by

The babies and small children in the (much) earlier posts on my blog, and in the sidebar, no longer look like that.

They are much bigger. And trickier, and more fun and good to each other. Except when they are wrestling.

 As yet they have no clue about the film 'Donnie Darko', but when they are old enough, they are gonna love this picture...

bubble, bubble, toil...

There are several very exciting experiments going on in my house at the moment.
Well, maybe exciting is relative..

 I am sprouting, drying and milling grains to make sprouted grain flour.

 And I have just received the gift of some kefir grains to make kefir milk (cultured milk).

My house is full of jars of things bubbling and silently growing and fermenting. My head is doing the same, meeting the challenges posed by cooking with these fascinating and unusual ingredients.

Why? As I mentioned a few posts earlier, there is a wholefood revolution going on in my household. And cultured or fermented products are a cornerstone of the principles of whole living. As is 'treating' your grains properly.

 I had to push my dietary and nutritional understanding of food to one side and asslimilate a new interpretation of healthy. It was difficult for me to ignore years of modern dietary wisdom, making choices that contradict the low-fat, no-fat, healthy food pyramid advice. Hard, mentally. Food wise it has been easy, the immediate benefits of eating 'whole', the deliciousness of the food, the satiety and 'wellness' and feeling of being nourished re-inforces that I am doing the right thing. For myself and my family.

This is the banana bread I made with my first batch of my own sprouted spelt flour.

The information on sprouted grain flour is limited, as it's not widely available. It appeals to special diets (those intolerant of gluten flours but not truly coeliac) and wholefood-ers who want grain that has been 'processed' (the usual way is the sour ferment or soak flours or grains before using. The 'why' of this I'll deal with later). It appeals to people who know that regular flour products- sliced bread and bakery goods- leave their appetites dissatisfied, make them feel hungry more quickly and perpetuate a maddening crave and binge cycle, in spite of best efforts to 'be healthy'. People like me.

I have gifted some flour to interested friends and co-workers to experiment with. First reports from my testers have been promising. I can't wait to hear about the pasta dough trial and taste the shortbread that's been made.

My next project once the kefir has matured is kefir cheese, and cultured butter. It is quite exciting...

food sells

At the library earlier in the week..

Are you serious? 'The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake'? Give me a break.

new guilt

I have found a new variety of guilt, if that's possible.
As if the parenting guilt, the luxury chocolate shopping guilt, the online sneaky book buying guilt and the house-is-filthy-and-I-don't-care guilt is not enough.

Recently I started studying Yr 12 Chemistry to satisfy the pre-requsite for a Uni course I am considering. It's been a challenge to get the brain out of first gear and back into it. But mostly it's been about forcing the regular wedge of time into my schedule to keep a flow going.

So when I do actually get the children to bed, clean the dinner table, stack the dishwasher, wipe the kitchen bench, make the lunches, find uniforms and pack bags ready, soak some oats for brekky and put on the kettle, it's time to settle down for a solid hour and a half of work.

The voice in my head starts to divert me- check your blogs, I wonder if there's any cheap books on Fishpond, gosh it's been a busy day, you're a little tired, just rest on the couch for a minute...and whoa! It's 10:00 and I will not be starting any study now, it's way too late...

And the guilt sets in. Should have done it, wasted a night, really putting yourself in a bind, if only you could do it in the daytime..

So I book a day of study for myself. One child at school, one in extra daycare ($83 a day!) and off I go to the library. But (the voice says) it's a little cold, just pop home and get a scarf, oh now you are here give the place a quick tidy, put the heater on, you may as well stay at home and do it, ooh the floor needs a vacuum, time for morning tea, better make a couple of phone calls, lunch, short nap on the couch, whoops, must have really needed that, it's 2.45, time to go get the boys again..

Guilty and guilt.

One of the scourges of my modern life is the incessant prattle about 'time for yourself'. Do yoga, have a massage, read a book, meditate. I despise this talk because in my life it is unrealistic to expect 'me time' when I make dozens of choices a day that only erode free 'me time'. But they are my choices. Yoga or make pita bread? Pitas, please. Meditate or write a business plan? Business plan, please. Yet thanks to the power and persuasion of our media saturated lives, I feel like I have failed myself on 'me time'.  I yearn for it, even though I never choose it. Even though I have voluntarily undertaken this course, I find myself feeling deprived of my socially ordained 'me time'. Which is self defeating, since for the next 10 months, I willingly and voluntarily have chosen to and will have to spend 'me time' studying chemistry.

Or feeling guilty all the time for not doing it.

Blogging about it is just another delaying tactic.
Ok, ok, I'm going now....

the long break, the life changed

This is an attempt at a comeback.

My time away has been long and the pile of blog posting notes is enormous. Sifting through the scrappy jottings I have kept to share I realise how often I thought of my little short blog and wistfully wished I could get here. If I even began to describe what has kept me from this space, you would think me overly dramatic, weak, hysterical (the bad, not funny way) and lazy. Or you just wouldn't believe me.

That's in the (recent) past. I'm coming back.

In the meantime here are some links to what I've been reading and thinking about and loving..

-a favourite writers trip to Israel
- the catalysts for the wholefood revolution happening in my household
   Heidi Swanson
   Jude Blereau
 -photo inspiration

Talk to you soon.